Black Women Must Raise The Acheivement Bar For Black Men

Photo taken from "The Examiner"

Photo taken from “The Examiner”

Several weeks ago someone posted a mock question about a woman dating a man in prison.  I and many  others responded.  In addition, I also blogged about the question.  I noticed my answer and a few others were passed over and did not receive any thumbs up!  But the below answers received at least 2 or more likes:

If he’s going to be out soon, I would continue to befriend him but make no commitments until he comes out and lives the new life he is claiming. I’m sure you’ve been told this but it’s easier to submit and do the right thing when you have no other choice and the temptation is not there. The real test will be when he gets out. Take your time and date him when he comes home act like you are meeting the new him for the 1st time and get to know the new him.

First of all, you really dont know anymore than what he is telling you. Now there is a thing called jailhouse religion, so be very careful. As for as the diploma goes, that aint nothing new either. Just take your time and as Chase stated, give him 6-12 month on the outside. Love is funny but the hurt that came come with it, well baby that aint no JOKE!!!

Girlfriend being locked up or having your freedom taken away is a humbling experience for anyone. Unfortunately some people only turn to the bible when they get into situations beyond their control. But regardless of when he turned as long as he acknowledges the word of God and establishes a spiritual relationship for himself, God can give him the peace wisdom and understanding to seek his will and way for his life. No one better in this world than you can answer this question, if you are making the right decision? It’s your choice. If you are willing to settle with someone who has obviously done some things to afford his freedom to be taken away, and you feel, he will no longer, once he gets his freedom again, do those things, and you care enough to believe in his ability to change and do right by you and the law, do what makes you happy, but don’t be naïve in your decision, weigh your pro’s and con’s, and be sure that is what you want, it’s your life and you will have to live with your decision. Take care, Be Blessed!

And this one really took the cake.

Yeah just pray

But the one from a man was not surprising!

Sister. NOTHING redeems a brother getting out of “lock” like a woman that’s stod by him,and encouraged him to be a better person. That’s one of a billion reasons we love yall! However,give him some time to walk the walk that he,s talking. If he shows signs of reverting back to “old behaviors”,admonish him with the word of God first..and then your personal feelings. If he doesn’t show signs of positive,continued growth,you may have to step back abit..give him something to aspire to. Good luck,and God bless you both! P.S. I once was..but now am..a new creature in Christ! (from prison to Praise!)

Each reply is confirmation to a single and lonely Black woman that it is okay to date any-old-thang!  I just gotta ask.  Black women what are you thinking?  Really!  It appears no one thought to ask “What is wrong with this picture.”  The projected imagery the question posed for a Black woman dating an inmate was a slap in the face.

In college we did many mock questions.  Several of them were intense.  One of them involved a husband/expected father that had several burdens when it came to deciding the fate of his dying wife and his unborn child.  But the question submitted on my Facebook page for Black women was insulting because of the low expectations for women of color.

From each response it was clear to see no one thought to ask the “Five W’s.”  Who, what, when, where, and why.  However, in everyone’s defense we knew who, we knew when, and we even knew where.  But again no one stopped to ask ‘what is wrong with this picture’ and why would a woman date someone in jail?

I’m sure my questions come across as having the “better than” attitude, but I’m not.  I have learned over the years to reach for the stars; and that includes the men I choose to share my life with.  Therefore, I began my response with, “Why is this woman dating a man behind bars?”  Because as I see things, I’m sorry but a man incarcerated is not a good dating choice.  As a woman that promotes advancement for color women I would have never posed such a question for Black women to entertain.

Black women in order for our men to advance with us we must raise the bar.  Until the bar of expectation is raised our Black men will continue to fail in education, fail to gain employment, fail in dating, fail in marriage, fail in spiritual wholeness, fail in parenthood, and fail as being mentors for men that have lost their way in life.  Other words, if they go to jail for bad behaviors don’t reward them by dating them in jail.  And for goodness sake refrain from corresponding with them they have family.

Let me be the first to admit, I think it is sad that many Black men are living their life behind bars.  I think it is even sadder when Black women are comfortable with entertaining the idea of dating incarcerated men.

Personally, I would rather cross the color line and date a successful man from another race than settle for someone that undoubtedly have social issues.

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